New moons are always great times to make new agreements with ourselves. The energy is ripe for a fresh start, new beginning.
At this new moon I plan to cultivate sharper awareness of what is and what isn't. In other words I am removing the veil so to speak and allowing myself to view the full picture of my life as it is, without the airbrush or the hope. I figure it's time to dig in and go the distance here, tell the truth about what is and isn't working and move on.
Discipline is a big one for me. I have to be vigilant to keeping my word with myself or I can veer off into fantasy and never be heard from again. I have a plan in place for that now. I have successfully invested enough of my time, attention and money into projects I know little to nothing about and so have no choice but to roll up my shirt sleeves and get to work. Learning curves are great opportunities to challenge ourselves to be all that we know we can be. And I have certainly saddled myself with some hefty ones this time.
I'm learning how to navigate the world of social networking. I am not nearly technical enough to wrestle this beast but I am up for the challenge. I want to be able to market my home based business to the masses in such a way as to produce results that will not only make a difference to a large group of people, but also will move me to toward greater success.
I am using the energy of this new moon to start a new business venture in which engaging with Facebook, Twitter, Linked-In etc will be of the utmost importance. Now, for someone who was certain back in the mid 90's that the internet was a fad that wasn't likely to catch on, so why bother learning it, I have to say I've come a long way baby. Am I ready to take on the masses via social networking, can I deal with auto responders and all that jazz, who knows but here goes.
I am affirming the positive, using visualization to ensure the end result has already turned out as I've planned and am aligning myself with the vibration of success - I'll keep ya posted!!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
How Do I Get From Here To There
I was in Washington D.C. this weekend to visit my son. It had been almost 2 years since we'd seen each other and we were both anxious to get together. I was looking forward to celebrating his 32nd birthday and wanted to acknowledge him for having kicked a drug problem.
He and his housemate picked me up at the airport and drove me through the glittering lights of our nations capitol enroute to their residence outside the city. The feeling was high-tone and the conversation jovial.
As we approached the house my son rents a room in, I could see how shabby and rundown it looked even in the dim light. Once up the concrete steps I noticed cigarette butts scattered about the entry way. The address had a classy zip code but the property was not upscale.
We entered the house through the living room, a cluttered disheveled room containing a large, unmounted flat screen TV and a worn out couch. The kitchen off the living room served as storage for odd furniture, boxes, a bike and various other bits of this and than. My son sloughed off the messy ambience saying, 'well, what can you expect from 4 guys living in a bachelor pad'.
Motioning me on he stated 'this is my room' , waiting to see what my response would be.
My son is moving into the mid third of his life, that place where what one is doing is usually what they will be doing for the mainstay of the adult years. His residence reminded me of the kind of place most 20 somethings call home before they get what it is to actually be responsible in life. I did my best to conceal my disappointment and my son did his best to hide his embarrassment by joking and moving us out the door quickly.
Next we went to his favorite watering hole, his version of 'Cheers' the bar across the street. My son ordered me a glass of wine while downing a couple shots of something and chasing them with a beer. Before long he was off to the back stoop for a smoke, then back in to order another round of shots for him and his friends and whatever I wanted. It had been my understanding that we were going to have a drink with his friends and then go to dinner but when I reminded him of that he told me he wasn't hungry and was happy to stay right where we were for the rest of the evening. At that point I ordered a plate of onion rings and a beer.
At last call I was presented with a tab that resembled the national debt. I was angry and upset. My son had told me Friday night would be his treat and I agreed to take him out on Saturday evening. It wasn’t the spending of the money that bothered me but rather what it was spent on and the fact that I felt like I had been manipulated and taken advantage of. I was also appalled by his lifestyle and by the fact that I had not been wise enough to set some boundaries around the consumption of alcohol.
I had been living in the fantasy version of my hope for how his life had turned out following his drug addiction. Unfortunately however, not much had changed, he was still abusing substances and he had not yet become responsible for his finances. I had come to visit for the purpose of acknowledging how far he'd progressed, only to realize he hadn't made much progress at all.
After paying the bill and indicating my disappointment in spending so much for so little, I hailed a cab and went back to my hotel.
Next morning I awoke hung over and very upset with myself and him. I wanted to call someone but I didn't know who. I wanted to blame someone, but I knew that wasn't the answer. I wanted to crawl back under the covers and cry but I knew I couldn’t.
And so I got up, showered then headed out for a brisk walk. Following a cup of coffee and a good breakfast I felt more on track physically, but my mind was still spinning. I wanted to scream at my son for his lifestyle. I wanted to call his father and blame him for having done such a poor job of raising him, I wanted to berate myself for the ten millionth time, for having allowed my son to remain with his dad following the divorce. Mostly I wanted reality to line up with my desire to be happy.
I walked aimlessly feeling angry and upset. At one point I even found myself in a mob in front of the White House looking skyward, waiting for a view of the president's helicopter as it took off. Regardless what the distraction, my mood was one of doom and gloom.
I observed as I waffled between viewing the cup as half empty as compared to half full. I had to work at holding the highest thought possible, then another and another before I was able to release myself out of the groove of negative habitual thinking.
I clung to the notion that if I could just think one high thought after another, I would have a shot at giving myself a boost up over the top of this mountain of adversity. I knew the only way to do that would be to find something to be grateful for. I knew gratitude was the key which would leverage me out of the abyss I'd fallen into.
At first I found nothing to feel grateful for. Then as I passed an elderly man in a wheel chair seeing him triggered my gratitude for the ability to walk. I then noticed the beauty of the day and how good the warmth of the sun felt on my face and gave thanks for that. Now I was inspired. This inspiration gave me the urge to find a purpose for the day, a goal to move toward.
The only purpose I could think of was to become enveloped with inspiration. And so I headed in the direction of the National Gallery of Art. Once inside the east building I began to feel my energy rise. I was now feeling inspired by the creative works of others and feeling the surge of my own creative impulse.
I ate lunch next to a water fall then visited a book store and was eventually inspired enough to take out my camera and start shooting.
By 2 pm my son called. I could tell he was testing the waters to see if I was running hot or cold, was I going to rant and rave about the night before or would he get to skate on this one seeing as it was his birthday and I was only in town for 2 days. I spoke from the place of my cup being half full. I stayed positive and kept my cool. I could tell he was ready for a battle, I felt baited but I was determined to not loose my center. I did not allow him to hook me into a negative clash of tempers or emotional outbursts.
Originally our plans for Saturday evening were to have drinks at a fancy bar overlooking the city, then dine at a fine restaurant of his choosing, but instead of solidifying those plans, he ended the conversation by telling me to enjoy my outing and saying we'd connect later.
Once back at my hotel I opened my email and found one from my son who had sent me a message at 2 am that morning. He knew he'd messed up by running up the bar tab and then expecting me to pay for it, but instead of saying so he dodged a bullet by saying he was checking in to make sure we were 'ok' with each other.
There it was, the opportunity to tell the truth. I told him I recognized his problem with alcohol had escalated and suggested he may want to consider seeking professional help. I also told him that I loved him but I fond it to painful to spend time with him when he was drinking to excess.
He retorted with resentment, hurt feelings and the attitude of a victim. I suggested we meet for dinner but only if he had not yet started drinking. He didn't reply.
By 10 pm I sent him another email this time with a picture attached of him and a friend from the night before. I wanted him to see for himself what he looked like under the influence. I also decided to give him another opportunity to choose to do something different. I suggested we meet for brunch at noon the next day.
In the next e mail he agreed to brunch but after I replied, clarifying my preference for an alcohol free get together, I never heard back from him until 1:30 the following afternoon, after I'd checked out of the hotel and changed my flight to an earlier departure time.
Bottom line - this was not the trip I had planned, I didn't do what I thought I was going to do, I didn't get what I thought wanted but I got exactly what I needed. I saw how I'd been holding tight to the idea that my son was suppose to fulfill my expectations so as I would feel better about myself. I recognized the degree to which I have been attached to him being a certain way so as I would not feel guilty for having left him. I wanted him to turn out so as I would feel less like a failure as a mother.
I let go of all that this weekend. And as a result of letting go I disengaged myself from the image of what it is to be a mother, as well as from the image of what it is he should be as my son. I can't be hooked now by his attitude, behavior, his problems, or his addictions. I let go of it all by doing something different. By remaining positive, giving thanks and seeing the beauty all around me.
By restoring my own sense of well-being I was able to turn adversity into opportunity.
I couldn't know for myself that the process worked without working the process. The path of personal development is not new to me, the process of giving thanks isn't either but staying the course, not giving in to the negative programming, not falling into the groove of antiquated beliefs, this is new to me.
By working the process I saw that no matter how painful it was for me to watch him destroy himself, I wasn't going to be able to save him from himself. I understood that in no way was I guilty for not being able to save him from himself because this was not my job. My job was to provide him with the opportunity to see the consequences of his actions by staying true to myself.
As soon as I let go of the attachment to the outcome, I felt my energy shift. I felt high spirited and aligned with Source Center, despite the circumstances.
My son did call, at 1:30pm, to check in with me before I left. I told him I was good and let him know I was leaving. I could tell he was disappointed and that he didn't really get that he was the one who had set it all up to be exactly the way that it had turned out, but that was ok now. I no longer felt the need to lecture him or confront him on his actions, I was able to just get out of the way and allow him to be where he's at without trying to change him.
How do we get from where we are to where we want to be - by having the desire for something different and then by taking action. That's the only way anyone ends up having what they want. By believing before seeing we set ourselves into vibrational alignment with what we want and so it manifests.
I am home now and I continue to feel the gratitude and the joy synonymous with being in alignment with my own Source Center. I know this connection occurs when I do the right thing, I know that I get from where I am to where I want to be by staying focused on the positive and taking my shot in the firing sequence when it’s my time to do so.
If you are interested in tools that can transform the quality of your life go to:
www.knowforyourself.com use coupon code 148251 & get 20% off on product purchase - enjoy!
He and his housemate picked me up at the airport and drove me through the glittering lights of our nations capitol enroute to their residence outside the city. The feeling was high-tone and the conversation jovial.
As we approached the house my son rents a room in, I could see how shabby and rundown it looked even in the dim light. Once up the concrete steps I noticed cigarette butts scattered about the entry way. The address had a classy zip code but the property was not upscale.
We entered the house through the living room, a cluttered disheveled room containing a large, unmounted flat screen TV and a worn out couch. The kitchen off the living room served as storage for odd furniture, boxes, a bike and various other bits of this and than. My son sloughed off the messy ambience saying, 'well, what can you expect from 4 guys living in a bachelor pad'.
Motioning me on he stated 'this is my room' , waiting to see what my response would be.
My son is moving into the mid third of his life, that place where what one is doing is usually what they will be doing for the mainstay of the adult years. His residence reminded me of the kind of place most 20 somethings call home before they get what it is to actually be responsible in life. I did my best to conceal my disappointment and my son did his best to hide his embarrassment by joking and moving us out the door quickly.
Next we went to his favorite watering hole, his version of 'Cheers' the bar across the street. My son ordered me a glass of wine while downing a couple shots of something and chasing them with a beer. Before long he was off to the back stoop for a smoke, then back in to order another round of shots for him and his friends and whatever I wanted. It had been my understanding that we were going to have a drink with his friends and then go to dinner but when I reminded him of that he told me he wasn't hungry and was happy to stay right where we were for the rest of the evening. At that point I ordered a plate of onion rings and a beer.
At last call I was presented with a tab that resembled the national debt. I was angry and upset. My son had told me Friday night would be his treat and I agreed to take him out on Saturday evening. It wasn’t the spending of the money that bothered me but rather what it was spent on and the fact that I felt like I had been manipulated and taken advantage of. I was also appalled by his lifestyle and by the fact that I had not been wise enough to set some boundaries around the consumption of alcohol.
I had been living in the fantasy version of my hope for how his life had turned out following his drug addiction. Unfortunately however, not much had changed, he was still abusing substances and he had not yet become responsible for his finances. I had come to visit for the purpose of acknowledging how far he'd progressed, only to realize he hadn't made much progress at all.
After paying the bill and indicating my disappointment in spending so much for so little, I hailed a cab and went back to my hotel.
Next morning I awoke hung over and very upset with myself and him. I wanted to call someone but I didn't know who. I wanted to blame someone, but I knew that wasn't the answer. I wanted to crawl back under the covers and cry but I knew I couldn’t.
And so I got up, showered then headed out for a brisk walk. Following a cup of coffee and a good breakfast I felt more on track physically, but my mind was still spinning. I wanted to scream at my son for his lifestyle. I wanted to call his father and blame him for having done such a poor job of raising him, I wanted to berate myself for the ten millionth time, for having allowed my son to remain with his dad following the divorce. Mostly I wanted reality to line up with my desire to be happy.
I walked aimlessly feeling angry and upset. At one point I even found myself in a mob in front of the White House looking skyward, waiting for a view of the president's helicopter as it took off. Regardless what the distraction, my mood was one of doom and gloom.
I observed as I waffled between viewing the cup as half empty as compared to half full. I had to work at holding the highest thought possible, then another and another before I was able to release myself out of the groove of negative habitual thinking.
I clung to the notion that if I could just think one high thought after another, I would have a shot at giving myself a boost up over the top of this mountain of adversity. I knew the only way to do that would be to find something to be grateful for. I knew gratitude was the key which would leverage me out of the abyss I'd fallen into.
At first I found nothing to feel grateful for. Then as I passed an elderly man in a wheel chair seeing him triggered my gratitude for the ability to walk. I then noticed the beauty of the day and how good the warmth of the sun felt on my face and gave thanks for that. Now I was inspired. This inspiration gave me the urge to find a purpose for the day, a goal to move toward.
The only purpose I could think of was to become enveloped with inspiration. And so I headed in the direction of the National Gallery of Art. Once inside the east building I began to feel my energy rise. I was now feeling inspired by the creative works of others and feeling the surge of my own creative impulse.
I ate lunch next to a water fall then visited a book store and was eventually inspired enough to take out my camera and start shooting.
By 2 pm my son called. I could tell he was testing the waters to see if I was running hot or cold, was I going to rant and rave about the night before or would he get to skate on this one seeing as it was his birthday and I was only in town for 2 days. I spoke from the place of my cup being half full. I stayed positive and kept my cool. I could tell he was ready for a battle, I felt baited but I was determined to not loose my center. I did not allow him to hook me into a negative clash of tempers or emotional outbursts.
Originally our plans for Saturday evening were to have drinks at a fancy bar overlooking the city, then dine at a fine restaurant of his choosing, but instead of solidifying those plans, he ended the conversation by telling me to enjoy my outing and saying we'd connect later.
Once back at my hotel I opened my email and found one from my son who had sent me a message at 2 am that morning. He knew he'd messed up by running up the bar tab and then expecting me to pay for it, but instead of saying so he dodged a bullet by saying he was checking in to make sure we were 'ok' with each other.
There it was, the opportunity to tell the truth. I told him I recognized his problem with alcohol had escalated and suggested he may want to consider seeking professional help. I also told him that I loved him but I fond it to painful to spend time with him when he was drinking to excess.
He retorted with resentment, hurt feelings and the attitude of a victim. I suggested we meet for dinner but only if he had not yet started drinking. He didn't reply.
By 10 pm I sent him another email this time with a picture attached of him and a friend from the night before. I wanted him to see for himself what he looked like under the influence. I also decided to give him another opportunity to choose to do something different. I suggested we meet for brunch at noon the next day.
In the next e mail he agreed to brunch but after I replied, clarifying my preference for an alcohol free get together, I never heard back from him until 1:30 the following afternoon, after I'd checked out of the hotel and changed my flight to an earlier departure time.
Bottom line - this was not the trip I had planned, I didn't do what I thought I was going to do, I didn't get what I thought wanted but I got exactly what I needed. I saw how I'd been holding tight to the idea that my son was suppose to fulfill my expectations so as I would feel better about myself. I recognized the degree to which I have been attached to him being a certain way so as I would not feel guilty for having left him. I wanted him to turn out so as I would feel less like a failure as a mother.
I let go of all that this weekend. And as a result of letting go I disengaged myself from the image of what it is to be a mother, as well as from the image of what it is he should be as my son. I can't be hooked now by his attitude, behavior, his problems, or his addictions. I let go of it all by doing something different. By remaining positive, giving thanks and seeing the beauty all around me.
By restoring my own sense of well-being I was able to turn adversity into opportunity.
I couldn't know for myself that the process worked without working the process. The path of personal development is not new to me, the process of giving thanks isn't either but staying the course, not giving in to the negative programming, not falling into the groove of antiquated beliefs, this is new to me.
By working the process I saw that no matter how painful it was for me to watch him destroy himself, I wasn't going to be able to save him from himself. I understood that in no way was I guilty for not being able to save him from himself because this was not my job. My job was to provide him with the opportunity to see the consequences of his actions by staying true to myself.
As soon as I let go of the attachment to the outcome, I felt my energy shift. I felt high spirited and aligned with Source Center, despite the circumstances.
My son did call, at 1:30pm, to check in with me before I left. I told him I was good and let him know I was leaving. I could tell he was disappointed and that he didn't really get that he was the one who had set it all up to be exactly the way that it had turned out, but that was ok now. I no longer felt the need to lecture him or confront him on his actions, I was able to just get out of the way and allow him to be where he's at without trying to change him.
How do we get from where we are to where we want to be - by having the desire for something different and then by taking action. That's the only way anyone ends up having what they want. By believing before seeing we set ourselves into vibrational alignment with what we want and so it manifests.
I am home now and I continue to feel the gratitude and the joy synonymous with being in alignment with my own Source Center. I know this connection occurs when I do the right thing, I know that I get from where I am to where I want to be by staying focused on the positive and taking my shot in the firing sequence when it’s my time to do so.
If you are interested in tools that can transform the quality of your life go to:
www.knowforyourself.com use coupon code 148251 & get 20% off on product purchase - enjoy!
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